Tag: Real Madrid

Antoine Griezmann plainly avoids congratulating Champions League winner Raphael Varane with rest of…

Club rivalries hilariously bleed into national team activities

It’s often asserted that when national teams convene, club rivalries are put aside. Antoine Griezmann isn’t having that, though.

When Raphael Varane joined France’s training camp late after winning the Champions League with Real Madrid, his teammates and coaches warmly greeted him, offering their congratulations on his accomplishment. As this was happening, Griezmann—who recently reaffirmed his commitment to Atletico Madrid, Real’s local rival and the club they eliminated in the Champions League semifinals—pointedly slipped right by him without a word.

Later, at a team meal, France manager Didier Deschamps called out Varane and led a round of applause for him, but Griezmann was the only one who didn’t clap. Instead, he appeared to say something to Varane, presumably something to the effect of “Cristiano Ronaldo’s new haircut looks super dumb.”

I’m not sure what the players ended up eating at this meal, but Griezmann dumped a whole lot of salt on whatever it was.

Some might call this behavior petty or unsportsmanlike, but I’m sure Varane wasn’t bothered by it, so no one else should be either. It’s ultimately just kind of funny that Griezmann would express his simmering bitterness this way.

Dirty Tackle podcast

If it continued… (Juventus v Real Madrid)

What would’ve happened if the Champions League final didn’t stop when it did

(Real Madrid/Twitter)

Real Madrid became the first club to win 12 European Cups and win the Champions League in consecutive seasons, and they did it in convincing fashion, beating Juventus 4–1. The Italian side got off to a solid start and even produced a spectacular equalizer from Mario Mandzukic after Cristiano Ronaldo scored the first of his two goals. But shortly after the hour mark, Real Madrid scored twice in a span of three minutes. Then, in the 83rd minute, Juan Cuadrado became the first substitute to be sent off in a Champions League final before Real Madrid scored one final goal for good measure.

Though the second half was anti-climactic, we still have to ask “What if it continued?”

97’—Cristiano Ronaldo gets into an argument with Real Madrid’s two-goal hero Dee Flection, whom Ronaldo feels is overshadowing him. Flection threatens to go to Barcelona next season and take his close friend Off Sidé will him.

101’—Zlatan Ibrahimovic appears out of nowhere to score a scorpion kick goal from the halfway line just to show Mario Mandzukic who the king of wonder goals really is. The match officials decide the goal is too good to disallow, so they count it for both sides. Juventus 2–5 Real Madrid.

103’—Gonzalo Higuain continues to do nothing.

104’—Luka Modric continues to do everything.

105’—The familiar feeling that he will never win the Champions League overcomes Gigi Buffon, but then he remembers that he’s won eight Serie A titles (10 if you count the two that were revoked), four Coppa Italia titles, one UEFA Cup, and one WORLD FREAKING CUP. He also remembers that he could play for another 25 years if he wants, and saving a penalty from Cristiano Ronaldo’s son in the 2033 Champions League final will be sweet revenge. Sweet revenge, indeed.

108'—Keylor Navas checks over his shoulder for his own personal boogeyman: David De Gea. He is convinced that if he looks in a mirror and says De Gea’s name five times, the Spaniard will take his job. He is also convinced that if he doesn’t look in a mirror and say De Gea’s name five times, the Spaniard will take his job.

111' — During a brief stoppage in play, Zidane wins the World Series, Dakar Rally, and the WWE Intercontinental Championship belt.

113'—Alvaro Morata checks to make sure no one can see that he’s wearing his Juventus kit underneath his Real Madrid one just incase his former club win the match.

116'—Gonzalo Higuain continues to do nothing.

117'—Luka Modric continues to do everything.

120'—Somehow still on the pitch after getting booked in the first half, Sergio Ramos gets Leonardo Bonucci sent off by punching himself in the head and claiming that Bonucci used telepathic powers to make him do it.

121'—Leonardo Bonucci’s Torino supporting son laughs maniacally.

124'—Sergio Ramos scores by heading in a corner kick just to stay on brand. He then celebrates by putting on an “SR4” crown that he made himself after a particularly inspiring trip to Burger King. Juventus 2–6 Real Madrid.

131'—Realizing that he should do something for the club that spent €90 million on him last summer, Higuain eats Luka Modric whole. Modric lives comfortably inside of Higuain for the duration of the offseason.

133'—Zidane wins the World Chess Championship, the Academy Award for Best Picture, and the Iowa State Fair pie eating contest.

134'—Gareth Bale injures himself adjusting his hair.

136'—Jose Mourinho begins to write a preliminary list of insults for Zidane and Cristiano Ronaldo in preparation for the UEFA Super Cup match between Man United and Real Madrid. He decides that say he would rather win the Europa League once than win the Champions League twice in a row would sufficiently melt their brains enough so Man United can win.

140'—The match is abandoned when opening ceremony performers the Black Eyed Peas reappear, this time with a midriff-bearing Sir Alex Ferguson replacing former member Stacy Ferguson on the song “My Humps,” driving everyone out of the stadium.

The inevitabilities that led to Real Madrid winning the Champions League (again)

Sometimes life is intensely predictable. This was one of those times.

Real Madrid/Twitter

For the first time ever, the Champions League has been won by the same team two seasons in a row and, of course, it was Real Madrid that did it. What looked to be an evenly matched final at the start turned into a merciless drubbing as Real beat Juventus 4–1, topping Barcelona’s 3–1 win over Juve in the 2015 final in the process. Now, Real Madrid have won the competition 12 times, including three in the last four years.

This seemingly inevitable result was made possible by a bunch of smaller inevitabilities coming true throughout the match. It started with Cristiano Ronaldo scoring the match’s first goal, giving him yet another Champions League record by becoming the first player to score in three different finals. But taking a step back, the mere fact that Real Madrid scored in the match was an inevitability, even against the likes of Gigi Buffon and Juve’s stellar defenders. Real scored in every single match this season. Every single one! That’s an incredible feat that will likely get lost in everything else Los Blancos accomplished this season.

Mario Mandzukic’s equalizer was anything but inevitable, but it still might be used to justify Real Madrid’s bid for David De Gea before the match (De Gea is three inches taller than Keylor Navas and probably would’ve pushed the shot over the crossbar, as a result).

Inevitable: Cristiano Ronaldo immediately trying to top Mandzukic after having his thunder stolen.

However, he did go on to score a second goal in the second half to finish off the match and put him ahead of Leo Messi as the Champions League’s top scorer for the fifth year in a row.

Inevitable: Sergio Ramos getting booked in the 31st minute for a dumb foul. Shyamalan Twist: Sergio Ramos getting someone who is not Sergio Ramos (Juan Cuadrado) sent off in the 84th minute. It turns out you can teach old Ramoses new tricks. And what he did to get Cuadrado sent off certainly was a trick.

Inevitable: The Gonzalo Higuain Cup Final Curse continues, as the striker Juve paid €90 million for last summer once again came up small on the biggest stage. You know Messi was watching this match somewhere, staring at Higuain with a white-knuckled fist and muttering “You better not score, you better not score, you better not score” the whole time. At this point, starting Higuain in a cup final should be considered match fixing.

Inevitable: Gianluigi Buffon failing to win the Champions League. It’s the one trophy that has eluded him over his long and storied career. This might have been his last chance to claim it, but that was said back in 2015, too.

Inevitable: Zidane continuing his managerial dominance. In just 18 months as manager of Real Madrid, he’s won two Champions League titles, La Liga, and the Club World Cup. And to think that before he was given the job, Rafa Benitez as in charge of this team as they were getting disqualified from the Copa del Rey for fielding ineligible players. UEFA needs to investigate Zidane for illegal use of wizardry.

And finally, the greatest inevitability of all, Cristiano Ronaldo’s victory cry:

When Real Madrid ask a question of the universe, the answer is always “SIIIIIIIIIIII!”

Sergio Ramos’ 2017 Champions League final preview

Real Madrid v Juventus, according to The Ramos

Ahoy-hoy! The Champions League final is always a special occasion and this year is no different. After all, it’s in Wales, the English city where Gareth Bale was born, and the Black Eyed Peas are performing during the opening ceremony, so you know it’s a truly important occasion.

We will face a worthy opponent in Juventus as we pursue a 12th European Cup and anything can happen. Will I score a late winner or will I get sent off or will I do both? Even I don’t know! But here are some things that I do know…

Who will be there

Gianluigi Buffon: Juve’s goalkeeper is a true legend and if it comes down to penalties, I definitely won’t attempt a Panenka. Instead, I will trick him by kicking the ball into outer space. He’ll never see it coming!

Dani Alves: When Dani played for Barcelona, we didn’t get along too well. But now that he left AND knocked them out of the Champions League, I consider him my best friend.

Gonzalo Higuain: I heard he has put on some weight since he left Real Madrid, but I had no idea it was this drastic. Poor Gonzalo.

Juventus/Twitter

Me: Haha I wouldn’t miss a Black Eyed Peas performance for anything! “Boom Boom Pow” is a true masterpiece.

Cristiano Ronaldo: If Cristiano gets injured the match, he’s going to sit on Zidane’s shoulders and form MegaRon-Z, the greatest coaching force the world has ever seen.

Keylor Navas: Real Madrid’s pursuit of David De Gea just before the biggest match of our season will mentally unsettle Keylor just enough to ensure true excitement! And if that doesn’t do it, Alvaro Morata’s airport tackles definitely will.

Who won’t be there

I invited Gerard Pique to the match, but he hasn’t answered because he’s too busy taking classes at Harvard to relearn how to win La Liga to attend.

The teams

Real Madrid: We won the Champions League last season (and 10 times before that) and La Liga this season, plus we scored in every single match. Cristiano told me to mention his name at least three times in this preview, so I will also say this: Cristiano Ronaldo.

Juventus: They have been champions of Italy roughly 378 times in a row, but they haven’t won the Champions League since 1996, when I was 10 years old! I’m 31 now, because my birthday was on March 30. Happy birthday to me! I’ll take another Champions League trophy as my present, please haha!

When to watch

After the Black Eyed Peas performance, you can go do other things until the 90th minute, because that’s when Ramos Time begins. Until then, nothing of interest is likely to happen. Higuain will miss some shots, Cristiano will put his hands on his hips, Massimiliano Allegri will smile in a way that looks like someone is squeezing his balls too tight. But once injury time begins, I will come alive like a children’s toy that turns on in the night without anyone touching it. Maybe there will be extra time, maybe there won’t. I am sure of one thing, though: Gerard Pique and his Twitter fingers will fail that Harvard class just like they failed in La Liga and the Champions League this season.

Predictions

Here’s Cristiano’s prediction:

“Too much humility isn’t good, we have to prove our character and who is the best.

“They are an excellent team but so are we. I have the feeling that we are going to play a great game and we are going to win.”

And here’s mine:

“With the Black Eyed Peas performing, we’re all winners!”

Dirty Tackle podcast

La Liga trophy withheld from Real Madrid until Gareth Bale gets a decent hairstyle

Spanish federation takes a stand against Bale’s outdated bun

The Spanish football federation (RFEF) is refusing to hand over the Liga trophy to Real Madrid until Gareth Bale adopts a more “professional” hairstyle. Los Blancos became champions of Spain for the first time in five years with a 2–0 win over Malaga on Sunday, but they were not given the trophy. Bale and Luka Modric were both seen asking why the silverware wasn’t present after the match, while Cristiano Ronaldo added that the decision was “a fucking joke.”

“Being a champion means more than just one’s play on the pitch,” said RFEF president Angel Maria Villar. “It also requires a certain level of personal quality. And certain members of Real Madrid’s squad do not display this quality. Of course, I am referring to Gareth Bale and his man bun. This trend has come and gone and yet he still has that droopy bird’s nest atop his head. It’s a blight on Spanish football and we cannot present the club with this trophy until something is done about it. We have informed Real Madrid of this matter and they assure us that it will be dealt with.”

Bale has struggled with injuries this season, scoring seven goals in just 19 appearances for Real Madrid—his lowest totals since he joined the club in 2013. Many experts have speculated that his lingering man bun is to blame.

“Some might say that this is a harsh position for the federation to take, but we have been very lenient in this area,” Villar added. “That nonsense Neymar used to have on his head, Messi’s blond atrocity, everything Ronaldo has done to himself. We have to put our foot down somewhere. And we’re putting it down on Bale’s antiquated hipster hair.”

Real Madrid have been given until the start of the next season to get Bale to change his hairstyle or the trophy will be melted down into a paperweight that will be used to hold down all the complaints filed by Gerard Pique.

Villar concluded: “Look, we know that Bale might be balding under that monstrosity, but that’s totally fine. Some people are bald. No one cares, Gareth. A bald patch is so much better than a man bun. It’s 2017 and everyone agrees on this.”

Dirty Tackle podcast

Cristiano Ronaldo continues pursuit of Champions League offside goals record

He won’t be satisfied until he breaks every record there is

Cristiano Ronaldo’s hat trick in the first leg of Real Madrid’s Champions League semifinal against Atletico Madrid helped him close in on the competition’s offside goals record currently held by Milan legend Pippo Inzaghi. Ronaldo’s first goal of the night was allowed to stand despite appearing to be very clearly offside. This comes after he scored twice from an offside position against Bayern Munich in the previous round.

Cristiano Ronaldo stops to admire the work of Cristiano Ronaldo

“Being the best means being the best at everything, including scoring goals that should not count,” Ronaldo said after the match. “And I intend to prove that I am the best.”

With his hat trick, Ronaldo scored his 50th career goal in the knockout stage of the Champions League, which is a record, his 11th career goal in the Champions League semifinals, which is a record, and his 101st career goal across all stage of the Champions League, which is also a record.

Inzaghi’s offside goal record in the competition stands at 46, leaving Ronaldo a ways to go.

“I will do whatever it takes to break all the records,” Ronaldo added. “Most goals scored in the 57th minute, most goals scored while wearing a child’s hat, most goals scored while having to pee—all of them.”

Asked for comment about the Real Madrid star’s pursuit of his record, Inzaghi said, “He looked onside to me.”

Lionel Messi bleeds, scores, wins El Clasico

Lionel Messi chooses a good time to score his 500th Barcelona goal

For the second time in four days, Lionel Messi laid on the ground bleeding from his face during the first half of a match. Like Juventus before them, Real Madrid seemed determined to destroy Messi. And an unpunished elbow to the mouth from Marcelo nearly did the trick.

But, as he always does, Messi got up and played on. Fourteen minutes later, he scored his first goal of the day to make it 1–1. After a bit more abuse, and with Barca up 2–1, Sergio Ramos aimed a two-footed lunge at Messi to extend his club record for red cards and reduce Madrid to 10 men in the 77th minute.

Having survived all of this, Messi decided it was time for revenge. So, with considerable help from Sergi Roberto, he crushed the home side’s euphoria from James Rodriguez’s short-handed equalizer in the 85th minute by scoring a winner in the second minute of injury time. Not only did this goal put Barca above Real in the table, it also happened to be Messi’s 500th goal for the Blaugrana. He then celebrated in very un-Messi-like fashion by completely removing his shirt and calmly holding it up to the Bernabeu crowd.

He went from this:

To this:

Of course, he was shown a yellow card for taking off his shirt, but it was totally worth it. Also, with all the blood loss, he probably thought he was at the dry cleaners at that point and the card was his receipt.

Cristiano Ronaldo would appreciate it if Real Madrid fans stop jeering him while he carries the…

Cristiano Ronaldo would appreciate it if Real Madrid fans stop jeering him while he carries the team on his back

A small request from the man giving Madridistas something to cheer

(Real Madrid/Twitter)

Cristiano Ronaldo scored a hat trick (albeit with two goals scored from an offside position) in the second leg of Real Madrid’s Champions League quarterfinal against Bayern Munich to help his side advance and give him a total of five goals over the two legs and a record 100 Champions League goals over his career. And yet, some Real Madrid supporters still whistled him.

“Eh, close enough, I guess.” — The Ref

Everyone gets whistled in Spain, and by Real Madrid fans in particular. It was also just a small segment of the crowd at the Bernabeu that jeered their team’s hero, but it was enough to get Cristiano’s attention and prompted him to speak out after the match.

From Reuters:

“I’m not asking them to name streets after me, the only thing I ask is that they don’t boo me here,” Ronaldo told Spanish TV station Antena 3.

“I want them to stop booing me because I always give my best and even when I don’t score I try to help Real Madrid.”

It’s kind of amazing that Cristiano would pay any mind to this amidst such a successful evening. After all, most people in the stadium were loudly supporting him and in the dressing room it was nothing but love specifically for him.

Sid Lowe attempts to explain the whistles and why they might burrow under the skin of Cristiano Ronaldo, football’s ultimate perfectionist. From the Guardian:

Many of Madrid’s fans are entitled and eternally unsatisfied, always wanting more. Especially from Ronaldo: he has set the bar so ludicrously high for so long it is easy to fall short. His “rubbish” is everyone else’s best game ever, their best season, their dream night. Madrid fans want more from his team than they have had: this is his eighth season; they have won one league title — although two Champions Leagues in three years takes some beating and they are on course for another. Somewhere beneath the surface, perhaps that becomes an implicit accusation aimed at him.

But why express this dissatisfaction on the night that Cristiano carried the club past one of the best teams in the world? Finding a rational answer to a question only made significant by Cristiano’s own open interest in it may be impossible. So that leaves us to make some up.

Maybe Gerard Pique bought a bunch of tickets for the match and hired people to jeer Cristiano regardless of what he did.

Maybe the whistlers had recently passed through Cristiano Ronaldo Airport and were unhappy with the dining options on the premises.

Maybe they all had money on Real winning 5–3 on aggregate instead of 6–3.

Maybe they think that whistling Cristiano will motivate him to play even better.

Or maybe they’re Adidas employees (Real Madrid’s kit partner) proving their brand loyalty by targeting Nike’s biggest star.

Who knows. But, in all honesty, if Cristiano did have a choice between getting whistled and having Madrid streets named after him, he’d happily take the streets.

Isco fulfills goal celebration promise to young fan in a big way

An encounter at an autograph signing leads to a lovely gesture


On Friday, Isco took part in an autograph signing that gave him the chance to meet eight-year-old Manar, who attended the event with her parents, who are deaf. As she got Isco’s autograph, she asked him if he could do the sign for “I love you” if he scored a goal in the next day’s match against Sporting Gijon. Isco told her that he would.

Fast forward to Saturday and just 17 minutes into the match, Isco scored and did the sign. But he wasn’t done. Isco then scored a 90th minute winner to beat Gijon 3–2 and did the sign again. After the match, he explained that he thought of Manar in those moments, prompting the gesture.

Making this whole thing even better is the fact that their encounter at the autograph signing was caught on camera. Take a look:

And as if all that wasn’t wonderful enough, now Isco even has his young son doing it (in a full Real Madrid kit).

https://www.instagram.com/p/BS_NKUGDTrb/

So that’s how I became an Isco fan.


https://upscri.be/16bb19/

Keylor Navas knocks BBC producer’s phone out of his hand from impressive distance

Who knew goalkeepers could kick the ball so accurately?!


If you plan on recording a Real Madrid training session with your phone—whether you’re five feet away or five hundred feet away—beware Keylor Navas. We know the Costa Rican goalkeeper is great at stopping shots, but good lord can he kick a ball with pinpoint (or phonepoint) accuracy.

An unsuspecting BBC World Service producer was innocently filming Real Madrid when Navas spotted him and punted a ball directly at him, knocking the phone out of his hand. Watch:

As the video says, the producer and his phone were both unharmed. It was still kind of a dick move by Navas, but, to be fair, the ball had so much distance to travel that the producer could’ve gotten out of the way of Navas’ heat-seeking missile.

Anyway, the takeaway from this incident is that Keylor Navas should be taking free kicks for Real Madrid.

Video via Eurosport


https://upscri.be/16bb19/