Tag: Real Madrid

Sergio Ramos traded his shirt for a pork dish

The art of the deal, Andalusian style

(Pepe Ortiz Vejer/Twitter)

Following Real Madrid’s 3–0 win over Real Sociedad on Sunday, Sergio Ramos made a point of jogging over to a very specific fan in order to complete a very unusual exchange.

The fan had been holding a banner that read “Sergio, if you give me your shirt I’ll give you a tray of lomo en manteca” throughout the match. Lomo en manteca (pork in lard—the perfect post-match snack) is a specialty of Spain’s Andalusia region, which is where Ramos is from. And apparently this offer was too goo to pass up for the Real Madrid captain.

Fans carrying banners begging for a specific player’s shirt have become quite common at matches these days and they get mixed results. But this man clearly knew his target exceptionally well.

From the AP:

Local media identified the fan as Sergio Sanchez, who is from Vejer de la Frontera in southern Spain, which is known for its pork in lard, or “lomo en manteca,” as it’s called in Spanish.

“He asked for it twice,” Sanchez told channel CSN Cadiz. “He didn’t want to leave without it.”

https://www.gettyimages.com/license/633025026

So remember: If you want a player’s shirt, be sure to bring their favorite regional delicacies.


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Cristiano Ronaldo, Sergio Ramos, Marcelo, and Pepe attempt to speak Chinese

Pandering to a developing market in celebration of the Chinese New Year


As one of the big clubs that never misses an opportunity to demonstrate a passing interest in a region they’d like to take more money from, Real Madrid put together an odd video to commemorate the Chinese New Year. In it, Cristiano Ronaldo, Sergio Ramos, Marcelo, and Pepe sit down for a meal with a Chinese family, where each player utters an assigned phrase in Chinese.

That’s all fine and good. But what really jumps out as strange is how the kid wearing a Real Madrid shirt at the beginning of the video is apparently so bored that he’s playing drums with his chop sticks. When they get taken away from him, he sulks, apparently oblivious to the fact that CRISTIANO RONALDO, SERGIO RAMOS, MARCELO, AND PEPE ARE SITTING RIGHT ACROSS THE TABLE FROM HIM!

How is he not more enamored by this fact? Are they just over at his house for dinner so often that they’re just a part of the furniture at this point?

That said, I could listen to Sergio Ramos try to speak Chinese all day.


Real Madrid demand that Lionel Messi be banned from taking free kicks

Messi’s free kick success sparks accusations of wrongdoing

(FC Barcelona)

Real Madrid have formally requested that Lionel Messi be restricted from taking free kicks for Barcelona after scoring with them in three consecutive matches to start 2017.

The leaders of La Liga sent a letter to the Spanish football federation insisting that the Barcelona star must be investigated for his “suspicious” level of success since the beginning of the new year.

In the letter, Real Madrid write, “Our own free kick expert, Cristiano Ronaldo, assures us that scoring free kicks in three consecutive months is not physically possible, let alone three consecutive matches. Therefore, Lionel Messi must be utilizing some sort of illegal technology or wizard magic to achieve these dubious results.”

A Messi free kick produced Barcelona’s only goal in the first leg of their Copa del Rey tie with Athletic Bilbao upon returning from the winter break. Three days later, his free kick equalized in the 90th minute against Villarreal. And three days after that, another late free kick gave Barcelona the goal they needed to beat Athletic 4–3 on aggregate.

Real Madrid’s letter concludes by proposing Messi be prevented from taking free kicks in official matches until his boots can be inspected by experts and his whereabouts during the winter break can be accounted for, so as to ensure that he did not visit with any practitioners of the dark arts. It also suggests that Messi’s tax fraud could have been a means to cover up whatever is behind his free kick mastery.

Barcelona have vigorously denied any wrongdoing from Messi and insist he is simply from another planet.


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Real Madrid newcomer James Rodriguez announces his arrival with two-goal performance

The unpublicized January signing makes his mark

(Real Madrid)

Unheralded new Real Madrid signing James Rodriguez marked his arrival at the club with a brace in a 3–0 win Copa del Rey round of 16 win over Sevilla. The January acquisition, who wasn’t even announced by the club, was a surprise inclusion in the starting XI and made the most of the opportunity.

“He was good,” Zidane said after the match with a shrug. “He didn’t score a hat trick, but I suppose two goals is good. To some people. Maybe we’ll let him start again in April. We’ll see.”

Teammate Alvaro Morata, who also started against Sevilla, was more effusive in his praise for the 25-year-old Colombian international. “James fit into the team very nicely,” said Morata. “It’s like he’s already been here for two and a half years or something. I don’t know what club he was with before this week, but his performance was very impressive.”

Rodriguez, meanwhile, was adamant that he already feels at home in Madrid.

“For the love of god, I’ve been here since 2014 and I’m not going anywhere!” Rodriguez shouted at reporters. “All I want to do is play football for the club that signed me! Is that so much to ask?! I exist, I can contribute, and I exist! I exist, damnit! I exist!”

When informed of the passion Rodriguez expressed for his new club, Zidane replied, “James who?”


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Referee experiments with not sending off Sergio Ramos, Real Madrid win Club World Cup

It turns out keeping 11 men on the pitch can really help a team avoid a major upset

(Real Madrid/Twitter)

Real Madrid likely thought that their Club World Cup final against local side Kashima Antlers was just a formality, especially after Karim Benzema opened the scoring in the ninth minute. But then Kashima struck back, scoring on either side of halftime to take a 2–1 lead. Cristiano Ronaldo equalized from the penalty spot in the 60th minute and with the score still 2–2 near the end of regulation time Sergio Ramos happened.

Now, at this stage in a match, this can mean one of two things: Either he scored a decisive goal or Real Madrid’s all-time leader in red cards added to his total. Already on a yellow, Ramos appeared to have earned a second to put his side at a disadvantage for extra time. The referee reached into his pocket, but he pulled out nothing. Ramos stayed on the pitch and Cristiano scored twice more in extra time to complete his hat trick and give Real madrid their second Club World Cup title.

After the match, Ramos and Ronaldo appeared to joke about the ref’s pocket fake out.

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Perhaps the ref was just curious to see what would happen if he didn’t eject Ramos. How many bookable offenses could be rack up in a single match? After all, it was only the Club World Cup and they were already experimenting with video technology, so why not experiment with a Sergio Ramos behavior challenge, too?

Zidane ended up substituting Ramos in the 108th minute, as he probably didn’t want to test his luck any further. And in the end, Goliath beat David with a bit of help from the referee, then had a hearty laugh. After all, Leicester City already did the underdog thing this year, so letting that happen again would just be a little too cliche.

(Real Madrid/Twitter)


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Sergio Ramos is turning into a walking Wikipedia page

The Real Madrid captain’s tattoos are getting…out of hand

(Sergio Ramos/Instagram)

People get tattoos for many different reasons, but Sergio Ramos’ motivation seems to be preparation for a day when his Wikipedia page isn’t readily available. The latest ink for the Real Madrid captain with a knack for scoring late goals is a series of red numbers across his knuckles (side note: the other symbols on his fingers appear to indicate that he is, in fact, the Zodiac killer).

Ramos’ Instagram post asks his fans to guess what the numbers mean and the code was quickly cracked.

The 35 and 32 were his shirt numbers at Sevilla, where he began his career, the 90+ is a reference to his late equalizer in the 2014 Champions League final, where Real Madrid went on to win La Decima, and 19 is how old he was when he made his Spain debut.

The numbers join the Champions League and World Cup trophies he has tattooed on his calves as his increasingly comprehensive career history body art.

It’s not all boring old facts Ramos is permanently affixing to his skin, though. Since every good bio needs a bit of personal color, he also has a Michael Jackson tattoo.

https://www.instagram.com/p/yA6Zovi9f1/

Now all he needs is a tattoo marking his record number of red cards and he’ll be set.


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If it continued… (Barcelona v Real Madrid)

What would’ve happened if El Clasico didn’t end when it did

(Barcelona/Twitter)

A late Sergio Ramos equalizer stunned the Camp Nou and salvaged a 1–1 draw for first-place Real Madrid. Luis Suarez gave Barcelona the lead in the 53rd minute, but Ramos’ uncanny knack for scoring when it’s most needed stopped Barca from cutting into Real Madrid’s six-point lead. And it’s a result like this that truly begs the question, “What if it continued?”

97’ — Zidane continues to be unsure why other people find this football manager business to be difficult.

101’—During a stoppage in play, Barcelona midfielder Denis Suarez sees that Marcelo is about to ask him a question and preemptively says, “No, I’m not related to Luis” while rolling his eyes. Marcelo silently turns around and walks away.

106’—Casemiro reverses global warming, cures heart disease, negotiates peace in the Middle East, gets no credit.

108’—Cristiano Ronaldo thanks Javier Mascherano for trying to take his shirt off for him, but asks that he pull harder so as to ensure that he gets the job done.

https://twitter.com/RMadridInfoV/status/805143462987366401

114’—Gerard Pique tries to commit an idea for a sure to be controversial post-match tweet to memory.

117’—Sergio Ramos considers scoring again, but decides to wait until the final seconds of the next cup final.

123’—Lionel Messi misses with another shot on goal and sighs in a manner that is interpreted by the media as a clear indication that he will sign with both PSG and Man City for record fees in January.

129’—Following his loss to Chelsea earlier in the day, Pep Guardiola texts Barca president Josep Maria Bartomeu “just to say hi” while watching YouTube videos from the 2010/11 season.

135’—Cristiano Ronaldo “accidentally” drops the Euro 2016 trophy in front of Messi and asks how all his runners-up medals are doing. Messi sighs in a way that is interpreted by the media as a clear indication that he will sign with both Inter and the LA Galaxy next summer.

138’—Catalan scientists feverishly work to find a way to ensure that Andres Iniesta can play forever.

139’—James Rodriguez suddenly remembers that he exists.

140’—The match is abandoned when the Spanish tax authorities arrest everyone on both sides.


Atletico Madrid fan suing UEFA, Mark Clattenburg over Champions League final goal

Big-game bitterness goes a step too far


In the 15th minute of the 2016 Champions League final, Sergio Ramos scored to put Real Madrid up 1–0 over Atletico Madrid. Ramos appeared to be offside when he scored, but referee Mark Clattenburg allowed the goal to stand. In the second half, Atletico’s Antoine Griezmann missed a penalty, but Yannick Carrasco scored in the 79th minute to send the match to extra time, then a shootout, which Real Madrid won 5–3.

This being the second time in three years that Real Madrid beat Atletico in a Champions League final made the result especially difficult to handle Los Rojiblancos supporters. One fan in particular feels someone must pay for this result, though. As in actual money. So he’s suing both UEFA and Clattenburg in Spanish court

From AS:

The claim made by Rojiblanco supporter José Antonio Campón is for a total of €1,660 euros (€160 for the price of the ticket and €1500 for “moral damage” caused) and, as is written in the official suit document, fingers the blame at UEFA for “not applying all means to safeguard the fulfillments of regulations and choose persons (Clattenburg) who did not fulfill their duty as would be demanded”.

MORAL DAMAGE! That’s a laughable claim, but Campón’s flawed logic only gets more flawed:

“If you go to the cinema and there is no sound, they give you back your money,” he said. “This is the same thing. There is a regulation and it has been breached. It is negligence and in your job, and when you are negligent you pay the consequences. That is why we address the claim to the employer (UEFA) and his employee (Clattenburg) as responsible.”

Comparing an audio malfunction at a movie theater to a controversial goal in a football match is flat out stupid. By this line of thinking, should Griezmann also be sued for not putting a shot on target with his penalty? Should Atletico’s defenders pay out for not containing Sergio Ramos? Should their goalkeeper be punished for not stopping a single spot kick in the shootout?

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The reason Campón is targeting UEFA and Clattenburg is to highlight the need for video technology in football, but a frivolous lawsuit seems unlikely to be the instrument of change on that front. If anything, all this is likely to do is give Cristiano Ronaldo the idea to sue his teammates when they don’t pass to him.


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Cristiano Ronaldo to extend career as long as it takes to play in a world without Lionel Messi

The Real Madrid star will play as long as it takes to live his ultimate dream


At 31 years old, Cristiano Ronaldo has signed a new five-year deal with Real Madrid and he says his career won’t end with this contract.

From the PA:

“I want to stay here and finish here,” Ronaldo said. “It is not my last contract, I want to keep going until I’m 41 but now the most important thing is this special moment that makes me happy and my family, too.

“I’m at the best club in the world. Everyone knows what my thoughts are. I want to continue being the best. I want to wear this shirt with pride. I’m sure I’m going to contribute the same over the next five years as I have in my time here, scoring goals and winning titles.”

So why is Cristiano so intent on playing until he’s 41 years old? Well, since Lionel Messi has already retired from international football once at the age of 29, he must be convinced that Messi will be completely out of the game a decade from now, allowing him to finally in his version of heaven on earth: without Lionel Messi out there messing things up for him (pun intended).

No Messi to challenge him for headlines or scoring titles or the Ballon d’Or. No Messi to help Barcelona deny Real Madrid all the silverware they could possibly desire. No Messi for people to constantly ask him about, taunt him with, and hold above him.

And if Messi should play into his 40s as well, Cristiano will surely announce his desire to play until he’s 60. Or 70. Or even 100. He might be a step or two slower at that age, but he’ll probably still be scoring goals and showing off his abs. And above all, he’ll be living his dream.


The key to stopping Real Madrid is an empty stadium

Legia Warsaw prove that eerie silence is the most hostile atmosphere of all

(Mateusz Kostrzewa/Legia Warsaw)

Legia Warsaw supporters opened this season’s Champions League campaign — the club’s first in 21 years—with an spine-tingling display that exemplified the very best of the competition’s atmosphere. That same night, they went on to exemplify the very worst fan behavior, fighting opposing supporters and dousing stewards with teargas.

https://whatahowler.com/legia-warsaw-fans-produce-the-most-intimidating-champions-league-tifo-display-231c88fb4f47

Borussia Dortmund beat Legia 6–0 that night and the home fans were punished with a complete stadium ban for Real Madrid’s visit. And in a ground completely devoid of any atmosphere whatsoever, Legia earned their first point of the group stage with a 3–3 draw against the current holders. Clearly the absence of any fans whatsoever was the key to Legia’s unexpected success.

(Mateusz Kostrzewa/Legia Warsaw)

Real Madrid seemed to be on the path to giving Legia another 6–0 drubbing when Gareth Bale opened the scoring 56 seconds into the match with a gorgeous half volley. Karim Benzema gave Real Madrid a 2–0 in the 35th minute, but Legia struck back in the 40th with a goal from Vadis Odjidja-Ofoe and equalized in the 58th minute thanks to Miroslav Radovic. In the 83rd minute, Thibault Moulin gave Legia a shocking 3–2 lead, but Mateo Kovacic saved the Spanish club from total embarrassment with a final equalizer in the 85th minute.

Real Madrid beat Legia 5–1 at the Bernabeu just two weeks ago and though they played the return fixture without Luka Modric or Casemiro, they really should have made easy work of their hosts once again. But without the haters that fuel Cristiano Ronaldo or any crowd energy at all, Real Madrid were lulled into complacency by the deafening silence that smothered and extinguished the adrenaline fueled desire that usually accompanies European nights.

After the match, Bale all but admitted as much. From Football Espana:

“It was a strange game, especially with the stadium. That’s no excuse, though,” the forward told Spanish TV, reports UEFA’s official website.

“We’re not happy with the result and we need to bounce back from the result.

“I think we had control of the game at 2–0 and lost concentration and if you do that at this level you get punished.”

On this evidence, clubs should voluntarily play in empty stadiums as a means of psyching out their opponents. If Legia Warsaw had played all of their home Champions League matches in an empty stadium, they wouldn’t have had all that violence and could be leading the group right now.

In fact, completely banning all fans from ever attending any football matches again could solve all of the game’s problems. The decrease in revenue would help keep the exorbitant wages in check, struggling teams wouldn’t have jeers in their home grounds to further deplete morale, there wouldn’t be anymore fears of mob violence, racism, homophobia, or sexism from the stands, and think of all the money clubs and taxpayers would save on policing and costly stadium expansions. It makes perfect sense.