NO ONE IS SAFE
Tag: Scotland
Linesman vomits during Scottish Premier League match, gets shown red card by ref
Evidence that you need to watch much more or far less Scottish football
You’re a linesman working a match between Dundee and Kilmarnock in the Scottish Premier League. You’ve been running up and down the pitch all day. Suddenly, as Kilmarnock prepared to take a corner kick, you feel a worrying rumble in your belly. Whether it was too much exposure to the sun and Scottish football or too much boozing the previous night, something’s gone rotten and you know it’s going to get much worse before it gets better.
Seeing your clear distress, the Kilmarnock player about to take the corner kick puts a hand on your shoulder and tells the referee something is wrong. That’s when a wave of puke rises up through your system like a rancid tidal wave and escapes onto the grass. The crowd cheers. The ref shows you a red card. The crowd cheers again. You turn around and puke again.
Leo Messi has puked on the pitch many times, but he’s never been shown a red card for it. This decision will likely be overturned on appeal, assuming the linesman doesn’t puke during his hearing, too.
Scottish football, pukey hell!
Rod Stewart brings some flair to the Scottish Cup draw
You don’t enlist a flamboyant rockstar if you want a normal draw
When you’ve been a performer for as long as Rod Stewart has, you know that when someone asks to have Rod Stewart take part in their event—even if it’s just the Scottish Cup draw—they want the full Rod Stewart experience.
So instead of merely picking balls out of a bowl and reading out the numbers like every person who has ever participated in a cup draw before him, the singer and Celtic fan decided to carry out his task with a bit of pizzazz.
Now, you might watch that and say the man is drunk, but I just see Rod being Rod. He knows how to entertain the people and that’s exactly what he’s doing.
Sure, he seems a bit confused at times and completely misses a handshake attempt at the end, but when’s the last time you watched a Scottish Cup draw before Rod showed up? Exactly.
If FIFA’s smart, they’re booking him for the next World Cup draw right now.
Scottish club feature face of departed supporter in place of shirt sponsor
Airdrieonians FC and their fans pay tribute to an inspirational member of their community
Scottish League One club Airdrieonians FC have a new shirt sponsor: Their own supporters’ trust. The unusual arrangement was struck as a means of honoring Airdrie fan Mark Allison, who died from pancreatic cancer earlier in the year. And now, Allison’s face will grace the club’s kits until the end of the season as part of a “five-figure deal.”
From the club’s official website:
The Trust and Club have agreed that the image of legendary Diamond fundraiser Mark Allison will appear on his beloved Airdrie shirt, a gesture everyone will see fitting. It will also be the first time in world football — as far as we know — that the image of a fan has appeared on a club shirt.
As everyone will know, Mark took great comfort and support from two local organisations — Maggies and St Andrews Hospice — and was a fervent fan and supporter of both these wonderful centres, who cared for him so well during his final months. The Trust have therefore agreed that Trackside Boards and Programme adverts — part of the sponsorship package — will go to both organisations. Programme adverts will also be given to both by the Supporters Trust, and boardroom hospitality will also be donated to both to auction off for funds. Fundraising events are also planned, and it is hoped that more club events can take place at both.
Allison’s friends and family were consulted before the decision was made and proceeds raised from kit sales will go to the charities that Allison himself raised money for before his death. As a result, an initial supply of shirts quickly sold out (for more info on how to purchase one, go here).
Hopefully this becomes a trend that even corporate shirt sponsors embrace. Using this space to celebrate deserving people is something everyone can get behind.
Fan with one leg wins Scottish Football League’s goal of the month award
He’s coming for the Puskas Award next
The Scottish Premier League’s goal of the month award has been claimed by 32-year-old Dundee United fan Tommy McKay, who executed a gorgeous lob during halftime of a Scottish Championship match against Dunfirmline.
McKay battled cancer as a child, resulting in the loss of his right leg. However, this didn’t slow him down as he charged towards the goal on crutches and executed a perfect lob from outside the box to the delight of the crowd and a group of players warming up on the pitch. The footage quickly spread, earning McKay a spot amongst the league’s goal of the month nominees. He came out on top with 80% of the online vote.
“You will never know how much this means to me and my family and I am eternally grateful,” said McKay, who plays in the Amputee Football Association Scotland, upon receiving his trophy from Dundee United manager Ray McKinnon. In addition to the award, McKay also receives a season ticket for 2017/18.
Rangers fans destroy Celtic Park bathroom during Old Firm derby
Celtic welcomed Rangers back to the Scottish Premier League by beating them 5-1 and Rangers fans showed their gratitude by tearing down a bathroom at Celtic Park.
Iceland shirts are selling best in Scotland, home to England’s most dedicated trolls
It should come as no surprise that Iceland kitmaker Errea has been unable to keep up with global demand for the shirts of Euro 2016’s undisputed darlings. It should also come as no surprise that the place where demand is highest for the shirt of the nation that stunned and embarrassed England by beating them 2-1 in the round of 16 is Scotland, the place where trolling England is a national pastime (especially when they’re the only nation of the British Isles not to qualify for a major tournament).
Celtic sent season ticket holders a letter about the importance of personal hygiene
It’s been a relatively nervy start to the season for Celtic. After winning four consecutive Scottish Premier League titles, the Bhoys currently sit five points behind perfect Aberdeen through seven matches. Naturally, this unfamiliar wasteland known as “Second Place” has everyone at the club sweating a little and that has apparently produced an unwanted odor around the main stand at Celtic Park.
Goal or no goal? U-14 keeper saves penalty, tosses the ball over goal line while celebrating
A U-14 Scottish cup final between Hutchison Vale and Newcraighall Leith Vics ended in confusion thanks to one of the goals scored in the shootout required to separate the two teams. The Newcraigcall goalkeeper made a brilliant diving save, but after catching the ball, he dropped it on the ground as he celebrated, allowing it to roll over the goal line.
As the dejected Hutchison Vale shooter was hiding his face in his shirt, the ref ruled that it was a goal and the shootout continued with Hutchison Vale eventually winning the cup. But was this the right decision?
Celtic’s Leigh Griffiths smuggled a snack onto the bench during St. Mirren win
Sitting on the bench and watching your teammates run around can make you hungry. And since Celtic striker Leigh Griffiths is smart, he had the foresight to stash a teacake in his pocket so he could enjoy it while watching his side’s match against St. Mirren from the bench.
As tends to happen when you bring a treat for later, Griffiths ended up eating his Tunnock’s Tea Cake early on in what would be a 2-0 win for Celtic. Maybe he knew that he wouldn’t feature in the match. Or maybe he didn’t.