Tag: Tottenham

Chelsea employ brute force and sorcery to beat Spurs in FA Cup semifinal

I’m not sure this is what they meant by “magic of the FA Cup”

Spurs played about as well as a team can play while still conceding four goals in their 4–2 FA Cup semifinal loss to Chelsea, but they were simply no match for the absurdities of the second half.

Willian twice put Chelsea up a goal in the first half—initially with a free kick, then with a penalty—but Spurs showed their newfound tenacity by equalizing each time. This forced Chelsea to get serious and bring Diego Costa and Eden Hazard off the bench, and Hazard put the Blues up 3–2 in the 75th minute.

Given the previous events of this match, the lead didn’t seem safe. Then Nemanja Matic unleashed Thor’s hammer on the crossbar, forcing the poor woodwork to let the ball pass through the very fibers of its being and across the goal line.

Spurs did attempt to cut into the lead with a late Harry Kane free kick, but Thibaut Courtois cast a spell on the ball, making it spin back into his hands just before it could cross the line.

And when that happens, you know that the heavens have already decided the outcome and nothing more can be done to change it.

Spurs have now lost their last SEVEN FA Cup semifinals (1993, 1995, 1999, 2001, 2010, 2012, 2017). But more important than all of that: A meme is born.

Sunderland players recite Christmas movie lines (poorly), Mark Wahlberg teaches Ledley King to act

As if playing for Sunderland wasn’t embarrassing enough…

The little known third Wet Bandit: John O’Shea

Liverpool seem to have inspired other Premier League clubs to subject their players to the public humiliation of trying to act on video, and now Sunderland have tried to pull off the concept with a festive twist.

When you watch this video, it immediately becomes clear that at least some of these guys have seen the films they’re referencing and a few don’t even know what they’re being asked to say.

So that clearly didn’t go well. Maybe that’s what Spurs enlisted Mark Wahlberg to help former captain turned club ambassador Ledley King carry out a similar activity.

It’s only a matter of time before Premier League footballers pool their money and buy YouTube just so they can shut it down and never have to be subjected to this kind of thing ever again.


https://upscri.be/16bb19

John Terry, Wojciech Szczesny, Lukas Podolski all mock Spurs on their day of embarrassment

Only Spurs could find a way to finish third behind Arsenal in a two-horse race that did not involve Arsenal. They went winless in their last four matches of the season, starting with a 1-1 draw against West Brom, then squandering a two-goal lead to Chelsea for a 3-3 draw that sealed the title for Leicester, then they lost 2-1 to Southampton, but they saved their most incredible embarrassment for last.

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Spurs squander 2-0 lead to end title hopes in most Spurs way possible

Spurs hadn’t won at Stamford Bridge since 1990, but they had to do just in order to prolong their slim title hopes for another week. They seemed destined to do just that when they took a 2-0 lead over Chelsea jsut before halftime. But then the longstanding animosity between the two clubs boiled over and Spurs did what they do best: implode.

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Spurs falter under the pressure of playing in front of Baby Spice

Spurs all but wrapped up the Premier League title for Leicester by only managing a 1-1 draw with West Brom at home on Monday night. The pressure was on with first-place Leicester beating Swansea 4-0 the day before and Spurs fan Emma “Baby Spice” Bunton in attendance at White Hart Lane for the important match. But the former Spice Girl’s presence was too much for this young Spurs team to handle as they conceded a 73rd minute equalizer to Craig Dawson, who scored an own goal in the 33rd minute to give Spurs the lead.

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Spurs hook up Dele Alli and Kyle Walker to interrogation/torture device

The endless pursuit of official club YouTube content has driven Spurs to the extreme of having Kyle Walker and Dele Alli play a “game” in which they hold their hand on a device that gives them an electric shock when they lie. This almost certainly violates U.K. labor laws, but it didn’t stop them from doing it.

The boys managed to go without a shock until Alli was asked who the best defender on the team is. His mouth said “Kyle Walker,” but the shock said “Toby Alderweireld.”

Stay tuned next week when Spurs TV has Harry Kane and Hugo Lloris play Russian roulette.

If it continued… (Spurs v Arsenal)

It was mutually assured disappointment in the north London derby as both Arsenal and Spurs proved yet again that they can’t win when it matters most. Despite being outplayed for much of the first half, Arsenal took a 1-0 only to have everything crumble around them in a span of seven minutes as Francis Coquelin was sent off before Spurs scored twice.

With a move into first place seeming inevitable, Spurs then conceded an equalizer to 10-man Arsenal in the 76th minute. To the delight of Leicester, the match ended 2-2, which means we really must ask “What if it continued?”

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Cesc Fabregas has forgotten how to football

Cesc Fabregas’ first few months with Chelsea last season were quite good. Ever since then, he has gotten progressively worse to the point where it’s amazing he hasn’t tried to eat the ball and required the Heimlich maneuver from Kurt Zouma.

Speaking of eating the ball, he tried to force feed it to Willian at a thousand miles per hour during Chelsea’s 0-0 draw with Spurs…

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Jose Mourinho unimpressed with Diego Costa’s bib toss

Jose Mourinho and the shell of the footballer known as Diego Costa reportedly got into a verbal altercation at halftime of Chelsea’s 4-0 win against Maccabi Tel Aviv in the middle of the week, but Mourinho claimed after the match that the two made up with “kisses and cuddles.” Which can only be code for fighting each other until their bodies could no longer function due to blood loss.

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