This has been a very difficult year for me. I can’t even go to a WWE event without the wrestlers putting me down in front of my children. Yes, I was fortunate enough to break the England scoring record, but there was something else that I truly wanted to achieve this year. Something that I deserved and worked hard to obtain. I wanted to be named People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive. But they’ve wrongly given it to David Beckham and I am outraged.
Wayne Rooney was in attendance for the WWE’s Monday Night Raw show in Manchester and he ended up playing a role in the match between Cesaro and Sheamus, while continuing his “fued” with Preston born wrestler Wade Barrett.
Tweeting is never a good idea and it turns out this is even true if you’re the police. Both the Greater Manchester and Merseyside police departments demonstrated this over the weekend with their now deleted attempts at football related banter.
Following another lackluster performance from Wayne Rooney in Manchester United’s 0-0 draw with Crystal Palace, the weekend tweeter on one of the Greater Manchester Police’s accounts (“DS Dave”) decided to put out a missing persons alert on him…
Manchester United captain Wayne Rooney has regularly seemed nonexistent this season. He was a ghost in last weekend’s Manchester derby and again in Man United’s Capital One Cup loss to Middlesbrough, in which he was even credited with a missed a penalty. Given this, there exists a very real possibility that he has already retired from the game, having recently turned 30, and simply didn’t inform anyone of his departure, leaving Man United to continue selecting him without him actually showing up.
So let’s examine the evidence…
Manchester United have heeded the calls of supporters and granted Wayne Rooney a testimonial, which has been scheduled for August 3 of next year. The club award testimonials to players who have served for at least a decade, so Rooney’s 11 years puts him in that category, but they usually come before a player leaves the club or retires. Given Rooney’s much discussed poor form of late, that makes the timing of this announcement a bit interesting.
A clash of heads with Vincent Kompany left Wayne Rooney with a busted hair plug and a river of blood flowing from his head. So to patch up the damage, Man United’s physio had to break out the staple gun. This was the only borderline interesting thing that happened in this match.
The BBC aired a documentary about Wayne Rooney that included some truly spectacular revelations about the England captain and all-time leading scorer.
Players on loan are always eager to make an impression, but midfielder Tomas’ time at Botafogo will be remembered for the wrong reason. During a Brazilian Serie B match against Mogi Mirim, the 23-year-old on loan from J. Malucelli was tasked with taking a corner kick. It did not go well.
Wayne Rooney scored his 50th England goal in Tuesday’s 2-0 win against Switzerland, surpassing Sir Bobby Charlton’s long standing team record. But he did it with an advantage that Charlton did not have: hair transplants.
Wayne Rooney has gotten off to a horrid start to the season, failing to score in Man United’s first three matches and even struggling to get a shot on target. He was virtually invisible during the club’s 3-1 Champions League playoff win against Brugge and was substituted in the 84th minute for Marouane Fellaini, who scored in added time.
After the match, Louis van Gaal gave his assessment of his captain (via ESPN FC):
“He had a shot on target, so I’m happy.”
“He managed to eat all his vegetables at dinner, so I’m happy.”
“He put his shirt on the correct way, so I’m happy.”
“He remembered to flush the dressing room toilet after using it, so I’m happy.”
“He didn’t choke on his own saliva, so I’m happy.”
“He didn’t cause a tear in the space-time continuum, dumping us all into an alternate 2015, so I’m happy.”
If this is all it takes for the club’s star striker to satisfy Van Gaal, then why didn’t they keep Falcao?
